A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.
She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
Day in the life of a Rebel Alliance Tower Guard on Yavin 4
kocD8Secret Base on [REDACTED]
Taking a moment to drop you a line. As you know, life here in the Rebel Alliance has been kind of crazy of late, what with the whole Death Star business and everything. You hear about Alderaan? I’m not even sure if I believe the news, sounds like Imperial propaganda trying to throw us off. Has definitely caused a lot of action here on base. There’s ships coming and going like you wouldn’t believe.
As you know, I took that promotion to sergeant in the Alliance’s military police corps. It’s definitely a different world from the maintenance bays. There, we hardly had to do anything; the droids handled all the work orders and we could just hide out in the hangers playing games or sleeping. But now, we’ve got real jobs to do. We’ve been told that our orders come direct from Mon Mothma herself, which is pretty crazy.
I guess you’re probably wondering what it is we do. It’s not too much to say that we’re the real lynchpin holding this base together. Security is the most important thing, of course. We’ve got patrols and gate guards that handle things on the ground to keep our perimeter safe. Really, those X-Wing pilots couldn’t do their jobs without us, because if we weren’t there the whole base would be overrun with who-knows-what: animals and locals and Stormtroopers, probably. But we keep this place locked down. I served as shift NCOIC for our quick reaction force for a few weeks and that was pretty cool. We only got called out once because there was a malfunctioning droid that was trying to wander off post, but still: an important job.
Now I’m part of the Speed Control and Abatement Team (SCAT) which is a pretty big deal. See, safety is paramount in everything we do. In fact, according to the last briefing we had at the company level, safety is our number one priority. As Lieutenant Porkins says – he’s Red Squadron’s safety officer, by the way – “we can’t fly if we’re all dead from accidents.” And you’ve got to admit, he’s got a point. In the last safety office review, it was found that approach speeds for vessels coming to the landing pad were responsible for 73% of all ship-to-ship accidents. So now it is our responsibility to ensure that those accidents are kept to a minimum. To do that, we use scanners to analyze the ship’s approach vector and speed and if it exceeds the posted standards we ticket that ship’s captain. I tell you what, in the past three weeks I’ve written 15 tickets and there’s been a huge drop in violations. I even got Admiral Ackbar coming in too hot one time. He accused me of a speed trap but the scanner doesn’t lie. The worst chewing out I ever got was from Lieutenant Wedge Antilles, though. I almost thought he was going to draw his blaster on me, but he paid his fine in the end.
Now, don’t get me wrong, it can get pretty boring up in those towers. I pass my 4 hour shift by counting birds – although the fighter ships have really done a number on those birds with their engines. There’s dead birds everywhere. We actually have to send out details to collect them off the landing pads, otherwise they can get sucked into engines and it makes more mess than a Bantha with the runs.
Other stuff I do when not on tower duty is to do patrols to ensure everyone is wearing the correct safety gear – we’ve got this panel you wear at night that lights up so that you don’t get run over, and it’s mandatory for wear but for some reason people don’t like it. Princess Leia Organa tried to get away without wearing it but we reported her to Mon Mothma. Unfortunately, I don’t think Mon Mothma took us seriously. She will when someone gets run over by a speeder, that’s for sure.
I’m not sure the head shed takes what we do seriously. A few days ago some rogue personnel took off without clearance in a captured Imperial shuttle – no paperwork, nothing, just some made-up callsign of Rogue One. Well, I filed all the correct paperwork, hit them with a 2000 credit fine, but it got all hushed up for some reason. Later that day they scrambled like half the fleet. Still don’t know what that was about but things were crazy for a while: no manifests, no clearances, and no accountability. I don’t know what things are coming to. Blue Squadron never even checked back in.
But mom, get this! Earlier today, a Corellian freighter came in WAY over the speed limit and I saw Princess Organa get off it with some scruffy looking folks and a real Wookie! They totally do exist! And I always thought you were making them up to try to scare me into eating my vegetables. Anyways, the base has been on lockdown since they arrived and I can see a lot of movement on the flight pads. Looks like Red and Gold Squadrons are prepping for something. Wish they’d file their manifests properly.
Damn, there goes that Corellian freighter again! Gotta go, mom, lots of paperwork to do to write that guy up. I don’t know who he thinks he is.
Love to all,
Sergeant Issa Prellian
RA MP Corps
“Vigilance is a Force Multiplier”
United Airlines is raising their baggage fee to $30. Don't complain. Remember, this is the airline that changed their slogan to, "Don't piss us off."
A study says an unhealthy lifestyle is putting 4 out of 5 adults at risk for early death. Weird that everybody I hang out has to be in the 4 group.
A Scottish woman says her doctor removed a tear duct instead of a tumor, thus making her the perfect person to spill milk.
Nearly half of all millennials have deleted the Facebook app. I take that as saying, “Go ahead and post anything you want about them!”
I’ll be honest, I just burned my athletic shoes. Oh, they weren’t Nikes. It was just my way out of getting out of going to the gym.
According to CNN, over 800 people in Central Florida were stung by jellyfish last week. And, of course, since it was CNN reporting it, they blamed President Trump.
A study says 10% of all Millennials don't tip when they eat out. In their defense, why should they tip their parents?
If you like saying the phrase, “That’s the last straw”, you probably want to move to Seattle. Quickly.
The new law was supported by the Broken Backed Camels Club of America.
Top Five Reasons your Airline Tickets were So Cheap
Your seat is in the new experimental Crying Baby section.
The price did not include actually flying.
The prison work release flight attendants.
They offered peanuts. Two, to be exact.
In-flight food menu is leftovers.
What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love?
"Honey, I'm home!"
Issue of the Times;
Thank Q? New York Times’ Anon Anti-Trump Tirade Points to Deep State Desperation by Robert Bridge
On September 5th, and by its own account, The New York Times took “the rare step” of publishing an anonymous Op-ed piece. But this was not your ordinary unsigned work of art. The author was said to be a top official in the Trump administration – with a serious ax to grind against the US leader.
In the very opening line of the explosive easy, entitled “I Am Part of the Resistance Inside the Trump Administration,” the writer drops a veritable bomb by alleging: “I work for the president but like-minded colleagues and I have vowed to thwart parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations.”
A bit later, he – assuming the closeted author identifies as male – says “many of the senior officials in [Trump’s] own administration are working diligently from within to frustrate parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations.”
And as if to preempt the predictable claim that the piece was drafted by a shady member of the ‘deep state,’ the writer had that base covered: “This isn’t the work of the so-called deep state. It’s the work of the steady state.”
Well, that’s certainly ironic. This dauntless freedom fighter expects us to believe he is part of the same “steady state” that drafts diatribes against the US Commander-in-Chief. You know, because the good old ‘steady state’ doesn’t want to rock the boat or anything crazy like that.
In any case, this Washington insider, if he is who he says he is – and I am of the opinion he is not – triggered a firestorm of speculation as to his identity. Political pundits had a field day putting forward their favorite suspect, forensic experts were duly consulted to examine the ‘fingerprints’, while late-night ‘comedians’ pounced on the soggy ammunition for yet another round of painfully and very unfunny jokes. Eventually, every high-ranking official, from Vice President Mike Pence to UN Ambassador Nikki Haley to even Ivanka Trump herself, has been fingered as the fink.
Yet all of these sensationalistic efforts to play Sherlock Holmes are nothing more than an exercise in sheer quackery. The reasons are twofold: first, it is exactly what the architects of this letter want – to spark a firestorm and sow chaos inside of the administration, thus making Trump look not only out of control, but cornered; second, in all likelihood the letter was crafted by some pimply hack in the New York Times editorial department. But the ‘Grey Lady’ hides behind the paper shield of ‘journalistic ethics,’ saying it cannot reveal its sources, which could be just another way of saying there was no source at all. Most likely, we’ll never know.
What does seem certain is that a true patriot who loves his country would not set off fireworks like some juvenile delinquent in the highest branch of government. Instead, he would have done the honorable and professional thing and quietly resigned without a fiasco. Then this official – again, if he truly exists – could go on to sign a multi-million book deal detailing his life and times spent in the White House. Predictably, however, it would be in the same vein as fact-fudger Bob Woodward and his latest bit of Masterpiece Theater, replete with innumerable nods to anonymous officials and former diplomats who would rather not have their names mentioned. You know, because security and other such delightful nonsense.
But I digress. What is so lamentable about the New York Times’ decision to publish this unverifiable diatribe is that it further erodes the foundation of the already severely damaged mainstream media colossus. The last thing that newspaper readers want or need is an anonymous opinion piece that stinks to the high heavens of political intrigue. News articles already read like Tom Clancy pulp novels, complete with fictional, anonymous characters and highly implausible plots that make substantiating the claims next to impossible. Few people would eat a can of soup that didn’t advertise the ingredients; the same thing could be said about chowing down at the media trough without knowing the names of the sources. This sort of junk-food journalism goes far at explaining, incidentally, why alternative news sites have been doing a booming business, and, moreover, why the brutal crackdown on these sites has shifted into high gear.
And then there is the very suspicious timing for the release of this mystery piece with Midterms – possibly the most pivotal one in US political history – bearing down on us like a tornado. Although it seems that most Americans are firmly fastened to either the Democratic or Republican gangplank, so much hangs in the balance during this election cycle that I am guessing – really going out on a limb here – that the Left will pull any stunt in the book to get the upper hand. That much seems obvious by their duplicitous methods ever since Trump won the White House. Trump himself has demanded that the Times release the identity of the mystery writer, but of course no newspaper is under any such obligations.
Finally – and here is where it might be necessary to don our conspiratorial tin foil – the Times op-ed piece was published at precisely the same time that the ‘QAnon’ posts have been gathering not only steam, but an increasing number of faithful followers. For the uninitiated, ‘QAnon’ – a reference to top-secret Q clearance at the highest government level – is the pseudonym of an individual or individuals who proclaim to be working in the upper echelons of the Trump administration. This anonymous internet entity claims to have inside information on a number of former and current members of the US government. These tantalizing nuggets of information have been distributed sporadically through “breadcrumbs” since October 2017, and according to the disseminators of said information, if the believers “trust the plan” the fetid DC swamp will be drained as promised. With public supporters of this mystery movement starting to appear on a regular basis at Trump rallies, the mainstream media was begrudgingly forced to finally take note of the phenomenon.
It seems a bit odd and coincidental that at the same time QAnon is gathering momentum, the Times allows an anonymous White House insider to present as fact that a resistance group is waiting in the wings to “frustrate parts of [Trump’s] agenda.” Is part of that agenda going after the very people who wrote that Op-ed piece? Since we are dealing in the realm of the unknown unknowns, as Donald Rumsfeld would say, anything is possible.
In any case, if any of this is to be believed, with the news of a “resistance” group – a “sleeper cell,” as it has been called – inside of the Trump administration, it would seem that we may be witnessing from the shadows a showdown between two opposing, albeit anonymous forces. One comprised of QAnon and their supporters, and the other made up of the so-called Resistance.
Are these groups are merely wild conspiracy theories, dreamed up out of the blue – possibly as a stunt or even a psy-ops operation – or do they represent a bona-fide standoff between two battling factions competing for different agendas inside and outside of the Trump administration?
My personal hunch is we’ll have the answer to that question before the Midterms.
Quote of the Times;
The urge to denigrate is an attempt to establish your own superiority by imposing humiliation on someone else—as well as a naked admission that you have no other way to demonstrate your personal merit. – Tracinski
Link of the Times;