What do you expect from such simple creatures?
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never get pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.
They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
Billy Bob won 1st place- a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize- a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"
Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush?
"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I'm thinking 'bout switching back to paper
Syrian Refugees Relieved Not To Be Sent To Detroit
LANSING, Mich — Nearly 10,000 refugees arriving in the United States over the next 11 months were relieved to learn that they would not be sent to Detroit, sources report.
Michigan Governor Rick Snyder suspended efforts to relocate Syrians displaced by the country’s civil war earlier this week “until a more reasonable and humane solution” could be found.
“They have already been through so much,” Snyder told the Detroit Free Press. “To be sent to another city in ruins with a corrupt and ineffectual government seems like a cruel joke.”
The city, while boasting the title “Most Dangerous City in America” for three years running, is still statistically safer than Syria. However, refugees have their heart set on “The American Dream” and will settle for nothing less.
“At first I was excited to learn about Detroit’s ‘lions’ and ‘tigers,'” said Eid Al Fayez from his tent in Turkey’s Nizip Refugee Camp, who reportedly ate the Al-Qarya al-Shama Zoo’s lions to survive. “But then I found out they were perennially underachieving sports teams.”
“If I wanted to be disappointed every year then I would have stayed in Syria and waited for the developed world to come to our rescue,” he added.
While there is hope for incoming refugees, there are still concerns for the nearly 20 Syrians who arrived in Detroit before Snyder suspended the relocation effort. According to the US Department of State’s Bureau of Population, Refugees, and Migration (PRM), there is no reason to worry. PRM indicated nearly all of the registered refugees reported in interviews that their situation is “mostly better, kind of,” than living in a war zone.
“I’ll admit, when I looked down from the airplane as we were arriving to Detroit, I thought someone played a joke and flew us back to Raqqa,” Suheimat admitted.
Little Johnny's father took his small son to the zoo.
They were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Johnny's father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and little Johnny was taking it all in with a serious expression.
"Dad," Johnny said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up..."
"Yes, son?" Little Johnny's father said expectantly.
Johnny continued, "...what bus should I take home?"
BERLIN (Reuters) - A 53-year-old German woman who was driving her dead mother across country to save on mortuary transportation costs was fined by police for disturbing a dead person's peace.
"You're not allowed to transport dead people in your private car," said Ralf Schomisch, police spokesman in Koblenz, where the car was found after a tip-off from a mortuary.
"The corpse was on the back seat without a seat belt, which is clearly dangerous. These kinds of safety oversights result in fatalities, as is evident in this case."
Only in Germany....
Issue of the Times;
CNN’s Clinton Cash ‘Fact-Check’ Ends in Embarrassment for Cristina Alesci and Laurie Frankel by Ezra Dulis
CNN Money’s “fact-checkers” Cristina Alesci and Laurie Frankel ended up with egg on their faces on Wednesday after they rated as “false” a well-established and proven Clinton Cash fact involving Hillary Clinton’s State Dept. approving the transfer of 20 percent of U.S. uranium to the Russian government, as nine investors in the deal funneled $145 million to the Clinton Foundation.
Under the guise of “fact-checking” Donald Trump’s Wednesday speech, Alesci and Frankel purported to verify whether “Clinton’s State Department approved the transfer of 20% of America’s uranium holdings to Russia while nine investors in the deal funneled $145 million to the Clinton Foundation.”
Alesci (pictured, right) and Frankel (left) rate the claim as “false” and allege “there’s no hard evidence of a quid pro quo.” The CNN Money “reporters” also conceded that “CNN several times has asked the Clinton Foundation to confirm whether the nine investors who benefited from the deal also contributed to the foundation, but the foundation has yet to respond.”
Why Alesci and Frankel couldn’t confirm the $145 million in Clinton Foundation donations for themselves is curious. Indeed, in a 4,000-word front page story written over a year ago, the New York Times’ Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist Jo Becker and Mike McIntire verified the Clinton Cash uranium revelation in stunning detail, including charts and graphs laying out the flow of millions of dollars from the nine investors in the uranium deal who flowed $145 million to Hillary’s family foundation. Since Alesci and Frankel appear unable to perform basic journalistic research, here are the names and amounts they are still waiting on the Clinton Foundation to get back to them on:
Frank Giustra, Canadian mining magnate who created a company that later merged with UraniumOne, gave $31.3 million and a pledge for $100 million to the Clinton Foundation
Frank Holmes, a shareholder in the deal who donated between $250,000 and $500,000 (the Clinton Foundation doesn’t report exact amounts, only in ranges) and is a Clinton Foundation adviser
Neil Woodyer, Frank Giustra’s colleague who founded Endeavor Financial and pledged $500,000 as well as promises of “ongoing financial support”
Robert Disbrow, a Haywood Securities broker, the firm that provided “$58 million in capital to float shares of UrAsia’s private placement,” gave the Clinton’s family foundation between $1 and $5 million, according to Clinton Cash
Paul Reynolds, a Canaccord Capital Inc., executive who donated between $1 million and $5 million. “The UrAsia deal was the largest in Canaccord’s history,” reports Schweizer
Robert Cross, a major shareholder who serves as UrAsia Energy Director who pledged portions of his future income to the Clinton Foundation
Egizio Blanchini, “the Capital Markets vice chair and Global cohead of BMO’s Global Metals and Mining group, had also been an underwriter on the mining deals. BMO paid $600,000 for two tables at the CGS-GI’s March 2008 benefit”
Sergei Kurzin, the Russian rainmaker involved in the Kazakhstan uranium deal and a shareholder in UrAsia Energy, also pledged $1 million to the Foundation
Uranium One chairman Ian Telfer committed $2.35 million
Alesci and Frankel claim there’s “no hard evidence of a quid pro quo.” Naturally, they fail to note that the legal standard for conflicts of interest and corruption do not require a quid pro quo. Nor do they note that Hillary Clinton deleted and destroyed over 30,000 emails housed on her secret server—the obvious location of any so-called “smoking guns.”
Still, the CNN Money “fact-checkers” correctly note that “the State Department was one of several agencies that needed to sign off on the transaction.” Indeed, the Committee on Foreign Investments in the United States (CFIUS) has nine members, one of which is the State Dept. Yet through willful ignorance or an unusual lack of journalistic curiosity, Alesci and Frankel didn’t think to ask the obvious: which of the eight other agency heads needed to approve the deal were receiving $145 million to their family’s charity at the time of such a pivotal decision? And did Hillary Clinton’s State Department report the glaring conflict of interest before granting its approval of handing over 20 percent of American uranium to Putin’s Russia? Why didn’t Hillary Clinton recuse her agency from voting, knowing that her charity was receiving $145 million from nine investors in the deal?
Those questions apparently did not occur to Cristina Alesci and Laurie Frankel.
Also, in addition to the $145 million being funneled to the Clinton Foundation before the CFIUS approval, why was a Kremlin-backed bank bankrolling a $500,000 speech in Moscow for Bill Clinton while his wife led the Russian reset? As even the progressive New Yorker magazine put it, “But there is a bigger question: Why was Bill Clinton taking any money from a bank linked to the Kremlin while his wife was Secretary of State?” Shockingly, CNN Money fact-checkers Alesci and Frankel make no mention of the Kremlin-backed $500,000 Clinton speaking payment.
Nor did CNN’s crack “fact-checkers” mention that the Clinton Foundation received $2.35 million in hidden, undisclosed donations from Ian Telfer, the former head of the Russian government’s uranium company—another fact that multiple liberal news outlets have confirmed.
Indeed, as Bloomberg, Washington Post, New Yorker, ABC News, New York Times, and myriad other Establishment media have all confirmed, Clinton Cash’s most explosive revelations are accurate.
Apparently, CNN’s Cristina Alesci and Laurie Frankel are among the last to know.
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