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On with the jokes!
New York City has been named the "least happy city" in the country. Imagine what they said when they heard that news. Whatever you imagined, you're correct.
Another poll ranked New York City as the most-unhappy city in America. Football season only antagonizes it.
Duran Duran is suing their own fan club, saying that the club cheated them out of revenue. Well, that ought to thin out the membership.
Buzzfeed has fired its political editor for plagiarism. According to his registration letter, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."
This week marks the 100th anniversary of World War I, just in case a Kaiser seems mad at you for not remembering.
Is it considered redundant to text a Texan?
Former president Warren G. Harding's love letters to his mistress have been released by the Library of Congress. This would explain why congressmen spend so much time in their library.
It's the 100th anniversary of the beginning of World War I, which was supposed to be "the war to end all wars." Talk about a tremendous marketing failure..
The TSA is offering a $5,000 reward for the best idea on how to speed up airport security lines. If you win, you'll get $1 a year for the next 5,000 years.
One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to
meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance:
leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.
Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and
confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother
diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice,
why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
ATLANTA, GA - Military paintball team “28th Paintfantry” has yet to win a single match against area teenagers according to sources at the paintball arena.
The team has cited many reasons, including a lack of viable air support and poor intelligence.
“Combat is all I know,” admitted retired Spc. Justin Rome, a former Army supply assistant. “The enemy just doesn’t realize that the way they’re winning is all wrong.”
Rome, the team’s captain, recounted the most recent loss as he removed his Afghan scarf and dusted off his 5.11 tactical pants. “We were pinned down by withering enemy fire, and we asked ourselves what the professional warriors overseas would do. Instinctively, I grabbed my MBITR radio and called for air support, but they never showed.”
“We lost a lot of good men that day,” he said, looking away. “Half our team quit paintball and do AirSoft now.”
Mohamed Abdulah, the young leader of the Inner-City Integrated Sports team, or ICIS, believes the 28th Paintfantry warriors simply misunderstand paintball as a sport.
“They think that fighting by the book is more important than winning,” Abdulah said, “so they shouldn’t expect to beat us. Usually, after their whole team is eliminated, they complain to the referees that they should at least get credit for a tie because they followed their operations order and the issue was obviously a lack of support.”
Marty Moore, 28th Paintfantry’s assistant team leader, feels that the paintball referees lack a sense of precedent. “Home base didn’t even send out attack dogs as a substitute for helicopters,” Moore said. “I mean, even Call of Duty lets you call for air support.”
Rome joined in. “We tried bounding movements and flanking formations, but without overwhelming numbers, technology, and money, it turns out that our Vietnam-era tactics are completely useless.”
A golf pro dragged himself into the clubhouse looking as though
he'd just escaped a tornado.
"What's wrong?" a woman asked.
"I just lost a game to Houlihan," the pro said.
"What? But Houlihan's the worst player I've ever seen. How
could he have beaten you?"
"He tricked me," the pro said. "On the first tee, he asked for
a handicap. I told him he could have 30, 40, 50 strokes - any
handicap he wanted. He said, 'Just give me two gotchas.'"
"What's a gotcha?" asked the woman.
"That's what I wanted to know," the pro said. "Houlihan said,
'You'll see.' Then, as I was teeing off, just as I had my club
poised, he screamed out 'Gotcha!'"
"I can guess what happened," the woman said.
"Sure," the pro said. "The scream threw me off, and I
missed the ball completely."
"Understandable," the woman said. "But still, that's only one
swing. How did he win the game?"
The pro answered, "You try swinging at a golf ball all day
while waiting for that second 'gotcha!'"
Top Hints the Boss Really Does Not Like You:
1. Every year on his taxes, writes off your salary as a loss
2. Only one not invited to the company picnic--again
3. He recently gave you a "Congratulations for being passed over for a promotion for the 1,000th time" card
4. You hear him often use the phrase, the (your first name) problem
5. Refers to you as "Mr. Next to Go"
Issue of the Times;
This new breed of celebrities makes China’s rise even more obvious by Simon Black
In the year 605 AD, Emperor Yang of the Sui dynasty in China formally established what became known as the ‘imperial examination.’
This was a standardized test that public officials were required to take, covering everything from arithmetic to writing to military science.
The idea was to ensure that all public servants were educated and qualified.
This concept grew through the centuries, from the Sui to the Tang, Sung, Yuan, Ming, and Qing dynasties, with each successive leader further refining the exam.
It even lasted into China’s early days as a republic at the beginning of the 20th century, and still persists today in Taiwan.
China has had a very long tradition of placing substantial social value on education.
There was a brief interruption in the 20th century during Mao’s Cultural Revolution in which 100,000+ intellectuals were persecuted and shipped off to labor camps.
The economic effects of this decision to kill off intellect were disastrous, and China impoverished itself for decades as a result.
But today education is back at the forefront of Chinese culture, as it was for centuries.
The Chinese obsess over core subjects, particularly the all-important science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM).
The West is lagging here. Even the US Department of Education claims “few American students pursue expertise in STEM fields,” and “we have an inadequate pipeline of teachers skilled in those subjects.”
It’s also a question of values.
Case in point: two weeks ago, state-supported Wayne State University in Michigan decided to drop the mathematics requirement from its general education curriculum.
Instead, the university’s General Education Reform Committee proposed replacing the mathematics requirement with a mandatory course on diversity.
(It’s amazing that young people will actually take on tens of thousands of dollars worth of student debt for this…)
Across the Pacific, however, the Chinese haven’t reached the point yet where their society places much educational value on 18th century gender studies or the history of pop culture.
Instead, China celebrates real intellectual achievement.
Chinese movie stars take to their social media accounts each year during the annual “Gaokao”, or national college entrance exam, to cheer on the students.
The Gaokao is such a big deal in China that it receives substantial national media coverage, and top-scoring students often attract worshipful devotees and achieve minor celebrity status.
The same applies to the online math and science tutors who help students prepare for the Gaokao.
Many tutors attract millions of social media followers and are routinely recognized on the street like any ‘real’ celebrity.
[And in peak season they can make up to hundreds of thousands of dollars per month!]
Here’s an even starker example:
Stephen Hawking gained two million followers within 24 hours of signing up at the microblogging site Weibo, China’s equivalent of Twitter.
Now’s he’s up to 4.2 million, and climbing. That’s in just two months.
By comparison, on Twitter he has just 16,000 followers versus Kim Kardashian’s 46+ million.
It’s not that Hawking isn’t famous in the US or Europe-- they did, after all, make a movie about his life two years ago (which did slightly worse in the US market than 2014’s Sex Tape…)
It’s that he has a cult-like, almost movie star status in China, where students actually spend time learning about his theories.
To be fair, there’s obviously incalculable intellect in the West. And it’s not like the Chinese are immune to puerile fanaticism for their movie stars.
The key difference in China is that the celebration of intellect and human achievement as a core social value is on par with success and entertainment.
It’s no longer this way in the West. But it used to be.
When Sir Isaac Newton died in 1727, he was buried in England with the honor and prestige of a reigning monarch.
This shocked visiting diplomats from the Ottoman Empire, where intellectuals were treated with suspicion and censorship.
Unsurprisingly the Ottoman Empire was by then rapidly falling into history’s wastebasket of former superpowers, and the West was on the rise.
Decades ago in the US, Albert Einstein and Jonas Salk were huge celebrities.
Charles Lindbergh was once the most famous man in the world.
And children idolized astronauts in the 1960s, whose fame was so vast they were showered with endorsement deals from some of the biggest companies in the world.
Today, children in the West idolize reality TV starlets who are celebrated for having a voluptuous ass.
And in university, ‘checking your privilege’ is becoming more important in the Land of the Free than achieving fluency in the language of the universe-- mathematics.
Just like a ballooning national debt, it’s not hard to get a sense of where this trend leads.
Quote of the Times;
For nothing can overtake the power of Endurance! Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated failure. Endurance alone is power ultimate. So endure. We are the sum of our endurance. And we will not let others define us any longer.
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