A Psychic Buying Clothes
Employee: How about this one?
Psychic: That shirt is too small.
Employee: You didn't even try it on.
Psychic: I'm a medium.
New ‘Gender Neutral’ Latrines Will Require Troops To Sit While They Pee
WASHINGTON — In an effort to pave the way for gender integration in infantry combat roles, Pentagon officials announced the acquisition of new gender neutral porta-potties specifically designed to only be used while in a seated position.
With deadlines looming, the military’s top brass have struggled to eliminate gender restrictions ever since former Defense Secretary Leon Panetta’s stunning decision to change the longstanding rule excluding women from serving in combat roles.
Gender equity has also been the signature issue of Navy Secretary Ray Mabus, who has long insisted that neutral policies across the board are necessary to truly integrate women in the armed forces.
“We are ending the way we segregate urination,” Mabus said. “Rather than highlighting differences in our ranks or ‘equipment,’ we will incorporate our troops in a safe, non-binary method of relieving themselves, which will not highlight or give an advantage to any specific gender.”
Military engineers began by shortening the standard 88-inch height of porta-potties to 55 inches, requiring the occupant to sit in order use the restroom. The new design also includes decorative finger tip towels and fancy soap.
“In the Navy and Marine Corps, we are moving towards sanitary conditions that don’t divide us as male or female,” said Mabus. “This will unite us as sailors and Marines whose crap pretty much stinks the same.”
Army Chief of Staff Gen. Mark Miley insists the new porta-potties will not lower standards. “We still expect soldiers to get their piss in the pot and not all over the floor,” said Miley. “Besides, this makes it a lot easier to text when I take a leak.”
The Air Force had no comment on the proposed change, according to a spokesman, who told reporters everyone in the service “already squats to pee.”
Reaction from the ranks has not been as positive as from the top leadership.
“What do mean I’m not supposed to use the decorative soap?” said Marine Gunnery Sgt. Bob Reynolds. “Screw this, I’m just going to piss in the tree line.”
During one of my recent magic shows, a woman asks me, "Sir how do you do that trick?"
I responded, "If I told you I would have to kill you"
She said, "OK then...tell my husband!"
Interesting Facts About English Language
1. Understanding English actually hurts professional players of English scrabble. Some of the world’s best Scrabble players are Thai and can’t speak English.
2. The English words moose, opossum, pecan, raccoon, skunk, and squash all originated from the now-extinct language of the Algonquian people, the native tribe inhabiting the site of the earliest English colony in what is now the US at Roanoke Island.
3. In English, multiple adjectives are supposed to be listed in the following order: Quantity, Opinion, Size, Age, Shape, Color, Origin, Material and Purpose.
4. Many English words used to be spelled phonetically (e.g. debt was ‘det’) until some scholars purposely added silent letters to make them look more like Greek or Latin words, sometimes erroneously.
5. The word “electrocute” is a combination of the words electro and execute, meaning killed by electricity. So if you don’t die, you were not electrocuted, you were shocked.
6. Before the English speaking world was exposed to the fruit, the color orange was referred to as “geoluhread” which is Old English for red-yellow.
7. In addition to the word “lord” evolving from a word literally meaning “keeper of bread”, “lady” evolved from a word literally meaning “kneader of bread.”
8. If you write any number in words (English), count the number of letters, write this new number in words and so on, you’ll always end with number 4.
9. English words for livestock (cow, sheep, chicken) are Germanic-based and the words for meats (beef, mutton, poultry) are French-based. This is because the people who raised the animals were Anglo-Saxon peasants and the people who ate them were Norman aristocrats.
10. The word “set” has 464 definitions, making it the word with the most variety.
11. The word “dude” was first used in the late 1800s as an insult towards young men who were overly concerned with keeping up with the latest fashions.
12. There is a word that is the opposite of sparkle and it is “darkle.”
13. The word “minute” comes from “the first MINUTE (small) division of an hour.” The word “Second” comes from “the SECOND minute division of an hour.”
14. The word “legend” originally meant “things to be read.” In the pre-Medieval period, reading and writing were very rare, and so anything worthy of being written down was something very noteworthy, and thus “legendary”; worthy of being written down and read.
15. The word “camel” in “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God” may be an incorrect translation of the word for rope.
16. The English word ‘infant’ comes from the Latin word ‘infans’, meaning “unable to speak” or “speechless.”
17. “Bookkeeper” is the only word in English language with three consecutive Double letters.
18. The word “retarded” came into popular use during the 1960’s because it was considered far less offensive and more politically correct than labeling someone a moron, idiot or imbecile.
19. The word cereal comes from the Roman goddess Ceres, and her association with edible grains.
20. The word “barbecue” has been around since 1650, and it has meant “outdoor meal of roasted meat or fish as a social entertainment” since 1733.
21. The Mayan god of wind and storms was called Jun Raqan, pronounced “Huracan”, hence the English word “Hurricane.”
22. The word “Aibohphobia” meaning “fear of palindromes”, is a joke word deliberately constructed to be one.
23. The word “liberal” in liberal arts means worthy of a free person (as opposed to a slave), and such an education isn’t meant to get you a job but rather to make you useful in a free society.
24. Acronyms are said like words, while initialisms are individual letters. For example, NATO is an acronym and FBI is an initialism.
25. Old English used the word ‘dore’ for male bees. Dumbledore means bumblebee.
Issue of the Times;
The Trojan Pig of Islam:
The fascist ideology of Islam has religious, legal, political, economic, social, and military components. The religious component is a beard for all of the other components.
Islamization begins when there are sufficient Muslims in a country to agitate for their religious privileges. When politically correct, tolerant, and culturally diverse societies agree to Muslim demands for their religious privileges, some of the other components tend to creep in as well.
The following analysis of Islamic influence and Muslim demographics around the world is adapted from Dr. Peter Hammond’s book, “Slavery, Terrorism & Islam: Historical Roots and Contemporary Threat”.
Here’s how it works:
Muslim Immigration And The Prolonged Effect On The Political And Social Net Of Society
Islam’s Effect On Society At 0%-2%
United States — Muslim 0.6%
Australia — Muslim 1.5%
Canada — Muslim 1.9%
China — Muslim 1.8%
Denmark — Muslim 2%
Italy — Muslim 1.5%
Ireland — Muslim 2%
Norway — Muslim 1.8%
1.8% Muslim population in Norway: In 2011 Norwegian authorities reported that 100% of all rapes in the entire capital Oslo, were committed by immigrants of which roughly 90% were committed by Muslim immigrants.
Islam’s Effect On Society At 2%-5%
At 2% to 5%, they begin to proselytize from other ethnic minorities and disaffected groups, often with major recruiting from the jails and among street gangs. This is happening in:
Germany — Muslim 3.7% (now 5.4% since this report was made)
United Kingdom — Muslim 2.7% (now 3.3% since this report was made)
Spain — Muslim 4%
Thailand — Muslim 4.6%
Islam’s Effect On Society At 5%-9%
From 5% on, they exercise an inordinate influence in proportion to their percentage of the population. For example, they will push for the introduction of halal (clean by Islamic standards) food, thereby securing food preparation jobs for Muslims. They will increase pressure on supermarket chains to feature halal on their shelves — along with threats for failure to comply. This is occurring in:
France — Muslim 8%
Philippines — Muslim 5%
Sweden — Muslim 5%
Australia — Muslim 6%
Belgium — Muslim 6%
Switzerland — Muslim 4.3%
The Netherlands — Muslim 5.5%
Trinidad & Tobago — Muslim 5.8%
At this point, they will work to get the ruling government to allow them to rule themselves (within their ghettos) under Sharia, the Islamic Law. The ultimate goal of Islamists is to establish Sharia law over the entire world.
Muslim population 5%: In Sweden nearly all of 77.6% of total rapes in the country, are committed by Muslim migrants. In 2012 the capital experienced a 69% surge in the Muslim rape wave of its women. What will be the violence and assault report when the Muslim population doubles, and triples, and quadruples?
Islam’s Effect On Society At 10%-19%
When Muslims approach 10% of the population, they tend to increase lawlessness as a means of complaint about their conditions. In Paris, we are already seeing car-burnings. Any non-Muslim action offends Islam, and results in uprisings and threats, such as in Amsterdam, with opposition to Mohammed cartoons and films about Islam. Such tensions are seen daily, particularly in Muslim sections, in:
Guyana — Muslim 10%
Bulgaria — Muslim 10%
Central Africa — Muslim 15%
India — Muslim 14.6%
Israel — Muslim 16%
Kenya — Muslim 10%
Russia — Muslim 15%
Islam’s Effect On Society At 20%-39%
After reaching 20%, nations can expect hair-trigger rioting, jihad militia formations, sporadic killings, and the burnings of Christian churches and Jewish synagogues, such as in:
Ethiopia — Muslim 32.8%
Suriname — Muslim 19.6%
Thailand — Muslim 35%
Togo — Muslim 20%
Islam’s Effect On Society At 40%-60%
At 40%, nations experience widespread massacres, chronic terror attacks, and ongoing militia warfare, non-stop church destruction, Boko Haram, etc., such as in:
Albania — Muslim 38.8%-85%
Bosnia — Muslim 40%
Chad — Muslim 53.1%
Guinea Bissau — Muslim 50%
Ivory Coast — Muslim 40%
Lebanon — Muslim 59.7%
Nigeria – Muslim 50%
Islam’s Effect On Society At 60%-80%
From 60%, nations experience unfettered persecution of non-believers of all other religions (including non-conforming Muslims), sporadic ethnic cleansing (genocide), use of Sharia Law as a weapon, and Jizya, the tax placed on infidels, such as in:
Albania — Muslim 70%
Kazakhstan — 65%
Malaysia — Muslim 60.4%
Qatar — Muslim 77.5%
Sudan — Muslim 70%
Note: Slavery was reintroduced into Sudan under increased Muslim political rule and establishment of Sharia law. In 1995, Human Rights Watch first reported on slavery in Sudan in the context of the Second Sudanese Civil War. In 1996, two more reports emerged, one by a United Nations representative and another by reporters from the Baltimore Sun.
Islam’s Effect On Society At 80%-99%
After 80%, expect daily intimidation and violent jihad, some State-run ethnic cleansing, and even some genocide, as these nations drive out the infidels, and move toward 100% Muslim, such as has been experienced and in some ways is on-going in:
Bangladesh — Muslim 83%
Egypt — Muslim 90%
Indonesia — Muslim 86.1%
Iran — Muslim 98%
Iraq — Muslim 97%
Jordan — Muslim 92%
Pakistan — Muslim 97%
Palestine — Muslim 99%
Syria — Muslim 90%
Turkey — Muslim 99.8%
United Arab Emirates — Muslim 96%
Islam’s Effect On Society
100% will usher in the peace of ‘Dar-es-Salaam’ — the Islamic House of Peace. Here there’s supposed to be peace, because everybody is a Muslim, the Madrasses are the only schools, and the Koran is the only word, such as in:
Afghanistan — Muslim 100%
Saudi Arabia — Muslim 100%
Somalia — Muslim 100%
Yemen — Muslim 100%
Unfortunately, peace is never achieved, as in these 100% states the most radical Muslims intimidate and spew hatred, and satisfy their blood lust by killing less radical Muslims, for a variety of reasons.
“Before I was nine I had learned the basic canon of Arab life. It was me against my brother; me and my brother against our father; my family against my cousins and the clan; the clan against the tribe; the tribe against the world, and all of us against the infidel.” — Leon Uris, “The Haj”.
Democracy and Islam cannot co-exist. Every Muslim government is either dictatorial or autocratic.
Conclusion and Footnote
It is important to understand that in some countries, with well under 100% Muslim populations, such as France, the minority Muslim populations live in ghettos, within which they are 100% Muslim, and within which they live by Sharia Law. The national police do not even enter these ghettos. There are no national courts nor schools nor non-Muslim religious facilities. In such situations, Muslims do not integrate into the community at large. The children attend madrasses. They learn only the Koran. To even associate with an infidel is a crime punishable with death. Therefore, in some areas of certain nations, Muslim Imams and extremists exercise more power than the national average would indicate.
Quote of the Times;
Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.
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