They wanted to give the monorail a jazzy, African sounding name. So they sent out a memo to a bunch of zoo staffers saying, "What shall we call the monorail at the Wild Animal Park?" One of the memos came back with "WGASA" written on the bottom. The planners loved it and the rest is history.
What the planners didn't know was that the zoo staffer had not intended to suggest a name. He was using an acronym which was popular at the time. It stood for "Who Gives A Shit Anyhow?"
Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.
He answered, "Trump 20:16"
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Based on a true story:
xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that.
xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy"
xxx: You're gonna love this
xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login.
xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time".
xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well/gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am.
xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens an SSH session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has SSHD up and running) and sends some weird gibberish to it. Looks binary. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk.
xxx: holy sh*t I'm keeping those
Why do women have orgasms?
Just another reason to moan, really.
Enraged Pope Vows To Enlist In The French Foreign Legion
VATICAN CITY — Pope Francis has vowed to enlist in the French Foreign Legion and deploy to Syria, an unprecedented move prompted by a series of terrorist attacks by ISIS.
Officials confirm that the Pope has declared himself a “conscientious objector to the existence of ISIS” and plans to take part in direct combat. Though his Eminence must first obtain an age-waiver and graduate from boot camp.
Issue of the Times;
Grab the Popcorn, the Left Is Imploding by Gavin McInnes
Last week I discussed our present state of “peak topsy-turvy.” It was a frustrating climb, but the reward at the top is we get to watch the “inmates who took over the journalistic asylum” destroy themselves.
After months of telling us we’re violent and violence isn’t the answer, we learn they think violence is okay as long as they’re the ones doling it out. Beta-faced Vox editor Emmett Resnin was just suspended for a week (with pay) after advocating violence against Trump supporters. HuffPo’s Jesse Benn agreed with Resnin, exclaiming, “Sorry Liberals, A Violent Response To Trump Is As Logical As Any.” I’d be stunned if either of them has ever been in a fight. The Killer Mike contingent of the Bernie Bros, however, is much more likely to “throw down,” and so they did when confronted with Trump supporters at a rally last week. Only they weren’t Trump supporters. They were fellow Bernie Bros. The bloodied but unbowed boobs then chanted, “Bernie! Bernie! Bernie!” while hoping nobody caught the incident on camera. We did.
You may be confused by this behavior because it’s conservatives who are the stupid rednecks getting everything wrong. Liberals are the calm, rational ones. Turns out they got it backwards. As the most “epic correction” of the century goes, “the manuscript was exactly reversed.” That’s right, the paramount study on what side is nuts, “Correlation not causation: the relationship between personality traits and political ideologies,” is completely topsy-turvy. “Thus,” the retraction states, “where we indicated that higher scores…reflect a more conservative response, they actually reflect a more liberal response.” This is exactly what I was screaming last week when I said we need to put all of modern society in a Word doc and go: edit, find, replace all.
The transocalypse is an even better confluence of cuckoldry to watch collapse. ACLU director Maya Dillard Smith helped push the cognitive dissonance that gender is a social construct and if a giant man with a deep voice says he’s a woman, he is. If said woman wants to use the ladies’, only a fool would stand in her way, right? It sounds reasonable on paper, until a couple of weeks ago when Dillard Smith’s daughters were stuck with two bosom buddies who were so clearly male, it left the ACLU director with a huge pile of “questions for which [she], like many parents, was ill-prepared to answer.” She quit and the bully from The Simpsons went, “Ha-ha.”
Bathrooms are fun, but you can’t eat popcorn in the loo. Sports is the ultimate entertainment and nowhere is the myth of equality more evident than when it’s slapped in the face by the meritocracy of athleticism. George Costanza would like to play in the NBA and it seems mean to say no, but Jewish actors playing neurotic Mexicans can’t jump, “Sorry, liberals.” Trans sports isn’t about a new kind of woman competing in women’s sports. It’s about men competing in women’s sports. Guess what happens when you do that. The women get obliterated. One of the more intense examples of this happened exactly a year ago when a dude with tits who calls himself Fallon Fox pounded Tamikka Brents so hard she was knocked unconscious. “I’ve never felt so overpowered ever in my life,” Brents complained afterward. Once again, the people insisting men are women and women are men are left with blood on their hands.
The charade has continued unabated since then. In April of this year, 60 Minutes reported on an incredibly gifted female athlete who got a swimming scholarship at Harvard. She then decided she was a dude and they dutifully moved her over to the men’s team where she went from ruling to sucking. This is where America is headed, by the way. Watching zirs fellow athletes high-five zir and try to ignore the scars where ze had zirs tits removed is a perfect example of how determined we are to ignore what is right in front of us. Feminism and gender equality are really about taking the miracle of childbirth away from women and turning them into shitty dudes.
Then, at the end of last month, we learned that Australia’s national women’s team lost 7–0 to a bunch of postpubescent boys. Wait, didn’t The Daily Show tell me the only reason female soccer players make less money than men is because of sexism? I guess our instincts were right after all. Look, we’ve all seen women’s soccer. We all know that it is vastly inferior to its male counterpart, but that sounds antiegalitarian so the left just waves its magic wand of equality and says, “Not so.” The rest of us try to tell them what’s happening outside but they put their fingers in their ears and go, “Na na na na na na na na I can’t hear you.” So we shrug and walk away like when Jason Statham walks away from a giant explosion in an action movie.
Such an explosion happened last week when Nattaphon Wangyot, an Alaskan man with makeup on, absolutely tore his high school’s girls’ track-and-field competition a new ass. As she(?)…ze(?)—fuck it—HE trampled past real girls and into the state finals, one of them carefully avoided pronouns and transphobia by saying, “I’m glad that this person is comfortable with who they are and they’re able to be happy in who they are, but I don’t think it’s competitively completely 100 percent fair.” If it is fair, Caitlyn Jenner needs to return her Olympic gold from the 1976 Games. That decathlon was for dudes.
We warned you, dummies. We tried to tell you that women aren’t men but you cited backwards studies that said we were backwards and plowed forward into the land of make-believe. Now that we have only five months left before Trump is president, we’re going to leave you to your own devices because it’s fun watching you fail. Bring on the third act
Quote of the Times;
“Naked power is quicksilver, lost in a flash. So power rushes to form, which endows power with legitimacy, defines the processes whereby it is acquired, exercised, delegated, transferred. Hiding behind form, power acquires stability. Form is a structure of power but claims legitimacy as a map of reality. Reality is flux, while power, always trying to preserve itself, insists on the permance of forms; so form falls ever more at variance with the changing reality it claims faithfully to reflect. Power clings to form even after forms claim to truth has become manifest travesty.” – Wheelis
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