You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants".
Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.
Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the work.
Santa doesn't work anywhere near a 40 hour week.
Santa travels a lot.
Yup, Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Senior U.S. officials are literally calling “fowl” after the Thanksgiving turkey pardoned by President Obama publicly defected to the Middle Eastern terrorist group ISIS.
Popcorn the Turkey, now calling himself Babakurn al-Turki, was pardoned from the dinner table by President Obama in a public ceremony at the White House. Normally the pardoned bird is sent along with its competitor to live out its remaining days at Morven Park’s Turkey Hill in Leesburg, Virginia.
However, U.S. officials have now admitted that al-Turki instead hijacked an Osprey out of Andrews Air Force Base in nearby Maryland and flew like a bat out of hell to Syria.
A group of senior intelligence officials and ornithologists with birds-eye surveillance of the war-torn country have suggested he is nesting in Raqqah or across the northern border in another neighboring country.
Al-Turki, who was originally raised as an animist before converting to Islam, has already appeared in several propaganda clips and tweets for ISIS, gobbling anti-American rhetoric and leaving furious American officials grousing.
Trey Nahas, a counter-terrorism expert at the Rand Corporation, explained that al-Turki’s defection violated the cardinal rule for anyone receiving a presidential pardon, namely not to commit any further crimes.
Nahas said it was unclear if al-Turki, raised in a bubble of protected affluence in Oakwood, Ohio, became radicalized on internet forums like countless other disaffected foreigners who have flocked to ISIS, or later during his detention in the controversial poultry farm at Guantanamo Bay.
In either case, according to Nahas, the end result was the same: “the U.S. not only released a dangerous terrorist back into the wild, but it has also given ISIS something to crow about on social media.”
Calling it the classic case of the chickens come home to roast, FBI Director James Comey has admitted that al-Turki was already a known flight risk when he received his pardon. He had several suspected handlers known to support radical Islam and ISIS, although al-Turki managed to duck any formal charges.
Comey added that the FBI has launched its own investigation into the government’s handling of al-Turki prior to his release, saying it may be the canary in the coal mine for future detainee defections. However, several investigators privately told Duffel Blog that the findings would be delayed until after Black Friday to avoid ruffling the feathers of any major retailers.
While Comey said U.S. intelligence was still unsure where exactly al-Turki now stood in the ISIS pecking order, he insisted that the turkey would ultimately be more of a burden than an asset to the group.
“He’s too high profile now to operate anywhere clandestinely, he’s always going to be an albatross around their neck,” Comey explained. “I’m not exaggerating when I say his goose is cooked.”
Some critics find that hard to swallow.
Rep. Tammy Duckworth (D-IL) of the House Armed Services Committee has already demanded to know “which birdbrain in the Secret Service” allowed such a dangerous avian to be that close to the president, and said that image “should give all of us goosebumps.”
The Wall Street Journal published its own editorial complaining that Al-Turki’s defection is “just one more feather in the cap of ISIS. Not only did this bird strut around the White House like he was cock of the walk, but as soon as he’s pardoned he flies the coop to join ISIS of all groups. What was our lame duck president thinking?”
Ironically, some news reports are circulating that, after being accused by ISIS of being a double-agent for the Mossad or CIA, al-Turki may end up getting beheaded anyway.
TRUTHS OF LIFE
Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger.
Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.
Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
It’s impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
I have always questioned if Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton were really preachers since they have no church.
When I heard Al Sharpton was guest preacher at a black Las Vegas Church, I decided to check him out in person and see what it was all about. I sat down and Sharpton came up to me . . . I don't know why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in the Church. He laid his hands on my hand and said: "By the will of Jesus the Lord All Mighty, and the will of God, you will walk today."
I told him I was not paralyzed. He came back and laid his hands on me again, and repeated the same thing. Again I told him there is nothing wrong with me. After the sermon I stepped outside and lo and behold, my car had been stolen.
If you love something, set it on fire.
If it still comes back to you, then it really loves you, and deserves whatever it gets.
Issue of the Times;
Storm Shows Americans Are Totally Unprepared: “I have no food, I have no cash, so I’m trying to forage for something” by Tess Pennington
As the biggest storm in five years took aim at California this week cities across the state distributed sandbags, cancelled school and warned residents to prepare for power outages. And though the storm didn’t really live up to the media hype, some people did take the warnings to heart and made last minute trips to the grocery store to stock up on foodstuffs and other supplies just so they wouldn’t have to go out in the rain.
But not everyone was prepared. One San Francisco resident in particular highlights just how susceptible America is to disasters and what to expect in the event of a widespread emergency.
“I thought we were going to watch tv all day, but now the power’s out,” Beth Ludwig said. Her mom added that the kids had never experienced a power outage before.
Georgia Virgili was one of the hundreds of thousands in the Bay Area who lost most of the conveniences of modern life.
“I didn’t have power,” Virgili said. “I couldn’t get my car out of the garage, I have no food, I have no cash, so I’m trying to forage for something.” (CBS)
The storm that swept California over the last 48 hours wasn’t really that severe. Moreover, the public had nearly three days of advanced warning that it was coming. Yet, even this was apparently not enough to convince people to make even the most basic of preparations.
Mr. Virgili was totally unprepared, as are about 99% of Americans based on recent preparedness surveys conducted by The Discovery Channel.
As many as three million Americans now fall into the category dubbed ‘preppers’ – people who are making detailed plans for the end of the world as we know it.
The preppers are an ever-growing group of survivalists who take extreme measures to prepare for a major catastrophic event.
Given the various threats faced by humanity, including scenarios like an economic collapse. a rogue attack targeting our power grid or massive natural disasters, one can only imagine what it will look like should the system as a whole experience a sustained large-scale disaster.
To give you an idea, here are a couple of pictures taken in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy in 2012. Within 72 hours the system began to break down as transportation systems in large metro areas came to a standstill. The only supplies available were being distributed by the National Guard and availability was so thin that FEMA had to place emergency orders for more food. There was no clean water, no gas, and grocery stores had been cleaned out to the point that people resorted to digging through the trash just to find a meal:
Luckily, the emergency was similar to what we saw in California, so it didn’t come as a surprise to government officials, who had already mobilized the National Guard with distribution areas for Meals Ready To Eat and filtered water:
Time and again we see the same story play out during disasters. During winter storms grocery store shelves have been cleaned out. After the Haitian earthquake tens of thousands were left without medical aid and armed gangs looted and killed anything they could. And who could forget Hurricane Katrina, where the government failed so miserably with their emergency response that it took them three days just to get clean water to those stuck in the Super Dome.
Now consider what would happen if something like this went on for days or weeks. What about months?
A recently released Congressional report suggests that a worst-case scenario grid down power outage lasting one year would leave 9 out of 10 Americans dead. This is an extreme example, of course, but certainly a plausible one and it emphasizes just how serious and horrific it will be for those who are not prepared.
That nearly 99% of Americans have made absolutely no plans to insulate themselves from disasters and emergencies is shocking, but to be expected. Most people are under the impression that all of those billions of dollars being spent by the Department of Homeland Security and the Federal Emergency Management Agency are for supplies that will be distributed to the general population should disaster strike. The government will help, but their capacity in an extreme emergency will be very limited. Former Secretary of DHS Janet Napolitano has warned that their response teams will likely be overwhelmed and she has recommended that people have at least a two week supply of food and water. But that warning has fallen on deaf ears, as evidenced by the “tragic” stories we hear in the aftermath of disasters on a regular basis.
America as a whole is not prepared.
If the worst happens we can fully expect a complete breakdown of our civilized society within 72 hours. What’s astonishing is that much of what is to come could be prevented if every individual took responsibility for themselves and put together a basic preparedness plan that included some emergency provisions like a 30 day food supply, water reserves, medical supplies and a personal defense plan.
The Prepper’s Blueprint: Prepare Yourself For Any Disaster
The Pantry Primer: Build a One Year Food Supply in Three Months
52 Weeks to Preparedness
Quote of the Times;
“One way to open your eyes is to ask yourself: What if I had never seen this before? What if I knew I would never see it again?” – Carson
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