Oneliners:
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Never lick a steak knife.
The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21.
*.*
Questions:
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible char, which no decent human being would eat?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he or she is going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs...
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
(Stop singing .......LOL)
*.*
I have a Labrador retriever.
I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog?
On impulse, I told her that no, and that I was starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets With Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall, black guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
*.*
Some business tips..........
It's only work if somebody makes you do it.
Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes.
Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours.
If you are smart enough to know that you're not smart enough to be an accountant, then you're in business
Odds are, the phrase "It's none of my business" will be followed by "but....."
Politicians are failed businessmen who still want to be millionaires
Behind every successful man is an amazed woman
To lead a horse to water feed it salt
Average: Where the worst of the best meets best of the worst it's the cream of the crap
*.*
Jay went to a psychiatrist. “Doc, he said, “I’ve got trouble.
Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it.
I get under the bed; I think there’s somebody on top of it.
Top, under, under top. I’m going crazy!”
“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink.
“Come to me three times a week and I’ll cure you.”
“How much do you charge?”
“A hundred dollars per visit.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Jay never went back. Sometime later he met the doctor on the street.
“Why didn’t you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist.
“For a hundred buck a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars.”
“Is that so! How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”
Issue of the Times;
Food Stamp Recipients Outnumber Women Who Work Full-Time by Terence P. Jeffrey
People participating in the food stamp program outnumbered the women who worked full-time, year-round in the United States in 2012, according to data from the Department of Agriculture and the Census Bureau.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Never lick a steak knife.
The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21.
*.*
Questions:
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible char, which no decent human being would eat?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he or she is going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs...
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
(Stop singing .......LOL)
*.*
I have a Labrador retriever.
I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog?
On impulse, I told her that no, and that I was starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets With Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall, black guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
*.*
Some business tips..........
It's only work if somebody makes you do it.
Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes.
Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours.
If you are smart enough to know that you're not smart enough to be an accountant, then you're in business
Odds are, the phrase "It's none of my business" will be followed by "but....."
Politicians are failed businessmen who still want to be millionaires
Behind every successful man is an amazed woman
To lead a horse to water feed it salt
Average: Where the worst of the best meets best of the worst it's the cream of the crap
*.*
Jay went to a psychiatrist. “Doc, he said, “I’ve got trouble.
Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it.
I get under the bed; I think there’s somebody on top of it.
Top, under, under top. I’m going crazy!”
“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink.
“Come to me three times a week and I’ll cure you.”
“How much do you charge?”
“A hundred dollars per visit.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Jay never went back. Sometime later he met the doctor on the street.
“Why didn’t you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist.
“For a hundred buck a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars.”
“Is that so! How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”
Issue of the Times;
Food Stamp Recipients Outnumber Women Who Work Full-Time by Terence P. Jeffrey
People participating in the food stamp program outnumbered the women who worked full-time, year-round in the United States in 2012, according to data from the Department of Agriculture and the Census Bureau.
In the average month of 2012, according to the Department of Agriculture, there were 46,609,000 people participating in the food stamp program (formally known as the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program). That contrasts with the 44,059,000 women who worked full-time, year-round in 2012, according to the Census Bureau’s report on Income, Poverty and Health Insurance Coverage in the United States.
For each woman who worked full-time, year-round in 2012, there was slightly more than 1 other person collecting food stamps.
In 2013, the average number of people on food stamps increased to 47,636,000. The Census Bureau will not publish its report on Income, Poverty and Health Insurance Coverage for 2013, which includes the data on women working full-time, until September.
The Department of Agriculture’s website lists the annual average number of food stamps participants going back to 1969. That year, there were only 2,878,000 people on food stamps. Since then, food stamps participants have increased by 44,758,000—or about 1,552 percent.
In 1969, there were 15,678,000 women who worked full-time, year-round in the United States. Through 2012, their numbers had increased by 28,381,000—or about 181 percent.
Since 1969, there have been three years when the number of Americans taking food stamps outnumbered the women who worked full time, year-round. In 1976, there were 18,549,000 food stamps participants, and only 18,372,000 women working full-time. Then, in 2011, there were 44,709,000 food stamp participants and 43,702,000 women who worked full-time. (The Census Bureau has not published data for the number of women who worked full-time, year-round in 1974.)
So far, 2011 and 2012 are the only back-to-back years on record when the number of Americans taking food stamps outnumbered the women working full-time year-round.
Quote of the Times;
“Who is strong? He that can conquer his bad habits.” - Franklin
Link of the Times;
http://markmanson.net/
Subscribe or Submit to the Internet's elite source;
Send E-mail to efreem2@alumni.umbc.edu
to complement The Field!
Or
Follow me on Twitter: @aod318
For each woman who worked full-time, year-round in 2012, there was slightly more than 1 other person collecting food stamps.
In 2013, the average number of people on food stamps increased to 47,636,000. The Census Bureau will not publish its report on Income, Poverty and Health Insurance Coverage for 2013, which includes the data on women working full-time, until September.
The Department of Agriculture’s website lists the annual average number of food stamps participants going back to 1969. That year, there were only 2,878,000 people on food stamps. Since then, food stamps participants have increased by 44,758,000—or about 1,552 percent.
In 1969, there were 15,678,000 women who worked full-time, year-round in the United States. Through 2012, their numbers had increased by 28,381,000—or about 181 percent.
Since 1969, there have been three years when the number of Americans taking food stamps outnumbered the women who worked full time, year-round. In 1976, there were 18,549,000 food stamps participants, and only 18,372,000 women working full-time. Then, in 2011, there were 44,709,000 food stamp participants and 43,702,000 women who worked full-time. (The Census Bureau has not published data for the number of women who worked full-time, year-round in 1974.)
So far, 2011 and 2012 are the only back-to-back years on record when the number of Americans taking food stamps outnumbered the women working full-time year-round.
Quote of the Times;
“Who is strong? He that can conquer his bad habits.” - Franklin
Link of the Times;
http://markmanson.net/
Subscribe or Submit to the Internet's elite source;
Send E-mail to efreem2@alumni.umbc.edu
to complement The Field!
Or
Follow me on Twitter: @aod318
