"I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'"
"Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!"
"I did," replied his wife. "He said 'You look great from here too.'"
The two old coots were both only a year short of retirement from the assembly line, but one Monday morning that didn't keep Joe from boasting to Manny about his sexual endurance.
"Three times," gasped Manny admiringly.
"How'd you do it?"
"It was easy." Joe looked down modestly. "I made love to my wife, and then I rolled over and took a ten- minute nap. When I woke up again, I made love to her again and took another ten-minute nap. And then I put it to her again. Can you believe it! I woke up this morning feeling like a bull, I'll tell you."
"I gotta try it," said Manny.
So that night he made love to his wife, took a ten- minute nap, made love to her again, took another nap, woke up and made love to her a third time, then rolled over and fell sound asleep. He woke up feeling like a million bucks, pulled on his clothes, and ran to the factory, where he found his boss waiting outside for him.
"What's up, Boss?" he asked. "I've been working for you for twenty years and never been late once. You aren't going to hold these twenty minutes against me now, are you?"
"Twenty minutes!" growled the boss. "Where the hell were you on Tuesday and Wednesday?
U.S.—In yet another disaster caused by President Trump’s winning just far too much, whole caravans of people are trying to enter the US so they too can experience the presidenting of Donald Trump.
“We don’t know what to do,” said ICE official Brett Kelley. “Trump is just too successful as president. Everyone from all over has heard how great he is, and we can’t stop them from trying to get here.”
The Democrats have begun condemning Trump for being far too good at everything. “Trump needs to reduce the quality of his presidenting,” demanded Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer. “The only way to end this crisis is for him to stop being the greatest president of all time.”
Trump has stubbornly refused, though. “I can’t be anything less than the greatest ever,” Trump announced. “It’s impossible. I know you’re getting tired of hearing everyone everywhere talk about what a tremendous job I’m doing, but there’s nothing I can do to stop that. The only thing I can fail at is failure.”
What’s the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
A suicide vest actually accomplishes something when triggered.
As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you damn dummies fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.
The Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"
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“This is the best advice I can give is to always solve a problem.”
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5 Questions About Transgenderism That No Leftist Can Answer by Matt Walsh
Twitter has stepped up its war on reality.
Last week, it permanently banned a feminist who committed the unconscionable sin of repeatedly insisting that men aren't women. This past weekend the company clarified its stance on the issue. According to the new rules, you are not allowed to engage in any "slurs" or "tropes" that might offend transgender individuals. These "slurs" and "tropes" include "misgendering" and "deadnaming" a transgender person. Of course, "misgender" means referring to a person by their biological (read: actual) sex. "Deadnaming" sounds like a codeword the CIA might use, but apparently it means calling a "transgender woman" by his original male name, or a "transgender man" by her original female name. Any of these offenses might earn you a permanent ban from the platform.
Some conservatives seem surprised by the increased attempts to silence those who acknowledge and affirm biological realities. I am only surprised by their surprise. This was always inevitable, and it will only get worse from here. After all, what other choice does the Left have? They literally cannot engage with the other side of this debate because there is no debate. "Transgenderism" is an article of faith. It has no referent in physical reality. It cannot be defended logically or scientifically. If they are going to maintain their radical theory of gender, they can only do it through intimidation and force.
The leftist position on this topic is so divorced from reason, so utterly indefensible, that they cannot even explain their own view, let alone defend it against an intellectual challenge. They can only issue assertions and then shout ad hominems at anyone who refuses to immediately believe and adopt their philosophy wholesale. To demonstrate this fact, here are five very basic questions that any proponent of "transgenderism" and gender fluidity should be able to answer easily, but cannot:
1) How precisely does a biological male come to the conclusion that he is really a woman?
2) If he arrives at this conclusion based on the fact that he "feels like" a woman, how does he know what it feels like to be a woman?
3) What exactly is a female feeling?
4) Even if it made sense to speak of female feelings and female thoughts, and even if it were possible for a man to know for certain that he is experiencing those feelings and thoughts, in what objective sense do those feelings and thoughts make him a woman rather than simply a feminine man?
5) The Left tells us that gender is a social construct. They reject the idea that women must necessarily have any particular feeling or thought or taste or preference. If gender is indeed an artificial construct and our physical features have no bearing on our identity as "man" or "woman," then what in the hell is a woman? A woman, in that case, is not defined by her feelings, thoughts, ideas, preferences, or her body, reproductive organs, chromosomes, DNA, etc. So what is she defined by? If she isn't defined by anything, then how does it make sense to call yourself a woman? Isn't that like calling yourself a whooziwhatsit or a thingamadoodle? Isn't "woman" now a term empty of all objective meaning?
I have never heard any leftist offer a satisfactory answer to these questions. Rarely have I seen anyone even attempt an answer. That's because there is no answer. They are proposing square circles. They are insisting on something that is not only scientifically but logically impossible. All they can do with such an insistence is insist it. Only logical propositions can be explained and defended. So, they don't bother. And why should they? If they can make their ideas mandatory, it doesn't matter that the ideas are absurd.
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