As the women's pole vault was being shown, my wife turned to me, and in
her best voice of disapproval, said, "Their outfits are way too
revealing, don't you think?"
"Their outfits? You mean the outfits of the athletic young women who,
using large poles, thrust themselves into the air only to acrobatically
land on their backs with their legs in the air? Hadn't noticed them."
Realizing that I'd put on a pound or two, I lamented to my husband, "I'm fat."
And right on cue he said what all good husbands must: "You're not fat." To support his position, he added, "Just look around you at others, and you will see that you are not fat."
But our daughter, a high schooler, saw through it: "Mom, he's grading you on the curve!"
SANTA CRUZ, CA - Mandatory Tolerance, LLC is a Santa Cruz-based internet company that manufacturers bumper stickers, T-shirts, and other merchandise for the left, offering their goods and services on the free market in exchange for money in order to end capitalism.
Their latest product is a magnetic, reusable bumper sticker that you can flip over between the slogans "Coexist" and "Resist!" depending on who the president is.
"If a liberal is in office, all is well - therefore, it's time to use the Coexist sticker to remind people that we can all get along despite our differences," said Lou Panderson, CEO of Mandatory Tolerance. "Once a Republican gets into office, it's on: flip that baby over to RESIST! to show people you will not stop screaming at the sky until peace and order is restored in our land."
Panderson says the company is also developing a "LOVE WINS" sticker that automatically detects if a Christian is behind you so it can switch to "DIE, BIGOT!"
Magazine Top Tips
Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone
else to hold them while you chop away.
Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom
in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of
the road every time you have a minor accident.
Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at
people as they walk up the aisle.
Increase blind people's electricity bills by switching all their lights on
when their guide dog isn't looking.
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a
handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
“Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing
your name to match your existing plate.” - Mr. KVL 741Y.
Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the
object you wish to view.
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes'
eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
Hijackers: Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment
or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended
destination in the first place.
An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive
Men: Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pissing
in the sink.
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its ass
and turned it's wool to nylon
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have a little fun.
Jill, that dill
Forgot her pill
and now they have a son.
Little Boy Blew.
Hey. He needed the Money.
Quote of the Times;
“By definition, a human being is endowed with free will. He can use this to choose between good and evil. If he can only perform good or only perform evil, then he is a clockwork orange - meaning that he has the appearance of an organism lovely with colour and juice but is in fact only a clockwork toy to be wound up by God or the Devil or (since this is increasingly replacing both) the Almighty State. It is as inhuman to be totally good as it is to be totally evil. The important thing is moral choice. Evil has to exist along with good in order that moral choice may operate. Life is sustained by the grinding opposition of moral entities. This is what the television news is all about. Unfortunately there is so much original sin in us all that we find evil rather attractive. To devastate is easier and more spectacular than to create.” - DeLarge
Link of the Times;
Issue of the Times;
The most dangerous thing about the Amazon fires is the apocalyptic rhetoric by Matt Ridley
Moralizing on social media from footballers, actors and politicians is doing harm
Cristiano Ronaldo is a Portuguese expert on forests who also plays soccer, so when he shared a picture online of a recent forest fire in the Amazon, it went viral. Perhaps he was in a rush that day to get out of the laboratory to training, because it later transpired that the photograph was actually taken in 2013, not this year, and in southern Brazil, nowhere near the Amazon.
But at least his picture was only six years old. Emmanuel Macron, another forest ecologist who moonlights as president of France, claimed that ‘the Amazon rainforest — the lungs which produce 20 percent of our planet’s oxygen — is on fire!’ alongside a picture that was 20 years old. A third bioscientist, who goes under the name of Madonna and sings, capped both their achievements by sharing a 30-year-old picture.
Now imagine if some celebrity — Donald Trump, say, or Nigel Lawson — had shared a picture of a pristine tropical forest with the caption ‘Amazon rainforest’s doing fine!’ and it had turned out to be decades old or from the wrong area. The ‘fact-checkers’ would have been all over it, seizing the opportunity to mock, censor and ostracize.
In fact, ‘Amazon rainforest’s doing fine’ is a lot closer to the truth than ‘Amazon rainforest — the lungs which produce 20 percent of our planet’s oxygen — is on fire!’. The forest is not on fire. The vast majority of this year’s fires are on farmland or already cleared areas, and the claim that the Amazon forest produces 20 percent of the oxygen in the air is either nonsensical or wrong depending on how you interpret it (in any case, lungs don’t produce oxygen). The Amazon, like every ecosystem, consumes about as much oxygen through respiration as it produces through photosynthesis so there is no net contribution; and even on a gross basis, the Amazon comprises less than 6 percent of oxygen production, most of which happens in the ocean.
But it is the outdated nature of the pictures shared by celebrities that is most revealing, because the number of fires in Brazil this year is more than last year, but about the same as in 2016 and less than in 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2010 and 2012. For most of those years, Brazil’s president was a socialist, not a right-wing populist, so in BBC-world those fires did not count. More significantly, the rate of deforestation in the Amazon basin is down by 70 percent since 2004.
It is probably true that President Jair Bolsonaro’s rhetoric has encouraged those who want to resume logging and clearing forest and contributed to this year’s uptick in fires in the country. But was it really necessary to claim global catastrophe to make this point, and was it counterproductive? ‘Macron’s tweet had the same impact on Bolsonaro’s base as Hillary calling Trump’s base deplorable,’ says one Brazilian commentator.
I sometimes wonder if the line wrongly attributed to Mark Twain, ‘a lie is halfway round the world before the truth has got its boots on’, is now taken as an instruction by environmental pressure groups. They operate in a viciously competitive market for media attention and donations, and those who scream loudest do best, even if it later turns out they were telling fibs.
Around the world, wild fires are generally declining, according to Nasa. Deforestation, too, is happening less and less. The United Nations’ ‘state of the world’s forests’ report concluded last year that ‘the net loss of forest area continues to slow, from 0.18 percent [a year] in the 1990s to 0.08 percent over the last five-year period’. A study in Nature last year by scientists from the University of Maryland concluded that even this is too pessimistic: ‘We show that — contrary to the prevailing view that forest area has declined globally — tree cover has increased by 2.24 million km2 (+7.1 percent relative to the 1982 level).’
This net increase is driven by rapid reforestation in cool, rich countries outweighing slower net deforestation in warm, poor countries. But more and more nations are now reaching the sort of income levels at which they stop deforesting and start reforesting. Bangladesh, for example, has been increasing its forest cover for several years. Costa Rica has doubled its tree cover in 40 years. Brazil is poised to join the reforesters soon.
Possibly the biggest driver of this encouraging trend is the rising productivity of agriculture. The more yields increase, the less land we need to steal from nature to feed ourselves. Jesse Ausubel of Rockefeller University has calculated that the world needs only 35 percent as much land to produce a given quantity of food as 50 years ago. That has spared wild land on a massive scale.
Likewise, getting people on to fossil fuels and away from burning wood for fuel spares trees. It is in the poorest countries, mainly in Africa, that men and women still gather firewood for cooking and bushmeat for food, instead of using electricity or gas and farmed meat.
The trouble with the apocalyptic rhetoric is that it can seem to justify drastic but dangerous solutions. The obsession with climate change has slowed the decline of deforestation. An estimated 700,000 hectares of forest has been felled in South-East Asia to grow palm oil to add to supposedly green ‘bio-diesel’ fuel in Europe, while the world is feeding 5 percent of its grain crop to motor cars rather than people, which means 5 percent of cultivated land that could be released for forest. Britain imports timber from wild forests in the Americas to burn for electricity at Drax in North Yorkshire, depriving beetles and woodpeckers of their lunch.
The temptation to moralize on social media is so strong among soccer players, actors and politicians alike that it is actually doing harm. Get the economic incentives right and the world will save its forests. Preach and preen and prevaricate, and you’ll probably end up inadvertently depriving more toucans and tapirs of their rainforest habitat.
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