I was thinking the lawyer could get me off on an insanity plea.
When I saw his bill I went insane.
Syrian Teen Builds Clock, Beheaded For Witchcraft
DAYR AL-ZAWR, Syria — Syrian teenager Sami Halaseh was beheaded for witchcraft yesterday after he built a clock and and brought it into his bomb-making school, according to The Syrian Observatory for Human Rights.
The 9th grader at former Ali Ibrahim Mohammad Secondary Madrasa was accused and convicted of creating a digital clock from a U.S. Meal Ready to Eat (MRE) box at his English-speaking jihadi academy, sources said.
Witnesses — who did not wish to be identified — claimed that that it was a simple but unfortunate misunderstanding after the “jihadi prodigy” brought a revolutionary new IED to school — an invention he called a “time-bomb.” Sources report that Halaseh had been working on it since the U.S. Air Force over-shot a Sinjar Mountain resupply drop by over 250 miles last year.
“They immediately reacted as if it were a clock,” one source said. “He just kept saying: ‘It’s not a clock. It’s a bomb!’ But they didn’t believe him.”
Instructors originally grew suspicious after Halaseh did not publicly denounce the “whiz-kid” title his classmates bestowed upon him in their “Basic IED” class. For his tacit usurpation of Allah’s rightful authority as “the one, true God,” instructors imprisoned Halaseh for his insolence. It was at the end of many torture sessions instructors finally analyzed the otherworldly device, and noticed numbers moving sequentially, when they assumed the worst.
“Even when they hung him from the ceiling and beat him with broomsticks, he was adamant that it was a bomb all the way until the end,” the source said.
The Islamic State, which beheaded four other heretics for witchcraft earlier this summer, officially stated that they will not tolerate any device that attempts to understand or quantify the will of Allah, even if it means measuring the span of events or periods between them.
“Unless it somehow furthers our interest of crushing the Zionist state of Israel or the Western devils of the United States, the Islamic State views all deviations from jihadism, whether of an artistic, technological, or scientific nature, as the highest form of apostasy,” said ISIS spokesman Jussain Al Zahabi. “We draw a literal and figurative line in the sand when it comes to individuals under ISIS rule ‘trying to play God.'”
“Except Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi,” said Al Zahabi. “He gets to do whatever he wants.”
In related news, Al-Baghdadi expressed his sincere condolences via Twitter after 35 ISIS fighters were killed in the jihadi teacher’s lounge when Halaseh’s clock detonated as scheduled.
Customer: There's something wrong with my dog. Every time the doorbell rings he runs and sits in the corner.
Veterinarian: That's normal, he's a boxer.
There is no "i" in team.
There is however an "i" in 'win', 'achievement', 'prevail', 'triumph', 'first place', 'gold medalist' and 'champion'.
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker
Came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?'
'96,' she replied: 'Two years younger than me'
'So you're 98,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Not hardly worth going home, is it?'
Issue of the Times;
The Gruesome Story of a Murdered Tennessee Couple You May Have Never Heard: But That You Will Never Forget by Jason Howerton
After a radio caller made him aware of the extremely disturbing story of Christopher Newsom and Channon Christian in Knoxville, Tenn., Glenn Beck researched the case and was horrified at what he found. Though the details are hard to hear, Beck told the couple’s story in excruciating detail during his show on TheBlaze TV Tuesday. The killings occurred in 2007; however, Beck says the media failed to give the case adequate coverage due to special interests or negligence.
On January 6, 2007, the couple made plans to watch a movie at a friend’s apartment, but they never made it. They would never be seen alive again. When Christian didn’t show up for work the next morning, family members immediately grew worried and reported them missing, Beck explained.
“It turns out that the couple had made it to dinner, but when they arrived at the apartment complex where Christian’s best friends lived, they were carjacked by multiple assailants,” he said. “What followed was one of the most heinous, gruesome, senseless hate crimes, ever.”
It was at this point in the program that Beck advised parents to have their children leave the room or pause the show and watch it at a later time due to the graphic details of the story.
Newsom was gagged with a sock in his mouth, his ankles were bound with his own belt, his hands were tied behind his back, his face was covered with a bandana and his head covered with a sweatshirt that his five assailants had tied around his neck with shoestrings. He was then violently raped with an object and beaten.
“One can only imagine the horror Christopher experienced as he was then forced to walk barefoot to the nearby railroad tracks, where he was shot in the neck in the back,” Beck said solemnly. “But the shots didn’t kill him — he fell to the ground and was paralyzed.”
“That’s when the assailants stood over him, placed the gun against his head and fired, killing him execution style,” he added. Newsom was shot a total of three times.
But not even that was enough. The attackers then poured gasoline on his body and set him on fire.
Unfortunately, the horror of this tragic story is not over. Beck went on to speak of what also happened to Christian on that night.
The woman was forced into a back room of the house where she was hog-tied with a strips of fabric from a bedding set. She was brutally raped “in every possible way imaginable” for several hours as the assailants beat her viciously with several objects, including a broken chair leg.
By the time Christian was taken into the living room, the five attackers realized they had left their DNA on their victim. In an attempt to cover their tracks, they poured bleach down her throat and on her body before they wrapped her body in black garbage bags and covered her head in a plastic grocery bag.
“She was then placed in a garbage can in the kitchen of the house — all of this while she was still alive,” Beck noted.
“Channon Christian’s last minutes on earth were spent slowly suffocating in a garbage can after she had been savagely beaten and raped for hours,” he added.
Beck slammed “so-called” civil rights leaders Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson for failing to demand justice in the brutal case. He criticized the media just as harshly for failing to give the story the coverage it deserved.
Meanwhile, the pursuit of justice for the family of the victims has also been elusive.
All five suspects in the case had been charged and convicted for the crime when it was discovered that the judge had a drug addiction, allowing the killers to take advantage of the justice system. “All but one has been repeatedly pursuing retrials and appeals,” Beck explained. “The lone female attacker had her sentence reduced by a third.”
Beck continued: “This miscarriage of justice is forcing the family to live this horror over and over and over again each time they are dragged back into a court battle.”
Real “social justice,” the host added, will only be achieved when justice is truly blind.
The five attackers are Lemaricus Davidson, Letalvis Cobbins, George Thomas, Vanessa Coleman and Eric Boyd. All of the previous state convictions, except for Coleman’s, were allowed to stand and the defendants remain in prison pending appeals. Coleman had her sentence reduced by a third after a retrial.
Quote of the Times;
"How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog, there is this fearful fatalistic apathy. The effects are apparent in many countries, improvident habits, slovenly systems of agriculture, sluggish methods of commerce, and insecurity of property exist wherever the followers of the Prophet rule or live. A degraded sensualism deprives this life of its grace and refinement, the next of its dignity and sanctity. The fact that in Mohammedan law every woman must belong to some man as his absolute property, either as a child, a wife, or a concubine, must delay the final extinction of slavery until the faith of Islam has ceased to be a great power among men. Individual Moslems may show splendid qualities, but the influence of the religion paralyses the social development of those who follow it. No stronger retrograde force exists in the world. Far from being moribund, Mohammedanism is a militant and proselytizing faith. It has already spread throughout Central Africa, raising fearless warriors at every step; and were it not that Christianity is sheltered in the strong arms of science, the science against which it had vainly struggled, the civilization of modern Europe might fall, as fell the civilization of ancient Rome." - Churchill
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