I learned a very valuable lesson at my last job: Never write your employee self-evaluation when you are depressed.
By the way, do you know of any job openings for a motivational trainer?
“Simply enriching a previously Spartan space with plants served to increase productivity by 15 percent” in workers, says Marlon Nieuwenhuis, the lead author of a study conducted by Cardiff University in Wales, as published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology Applied. “Investing in landscaping the office with plants will pay off through an increase in office workers quality of life and productivity.” Co-author Craig Knight, a psychologist at England’s University of Exeter, agrees. “Psychologically manipulating real workplaces and real jobs adds new depth to our understanding of what is right and what is wrong with existing workspace design and management,” he says. “We are now developing a template for a genuinely smart office.” *
* Benefits from plants may vary in Colorado and Washington State.
Schmidlap walks into a theatrical agent's office, and he's carrying a little black bag.
The agent says, "Well, let's see your act."
Schmidlap reaches into the black bag and takes out a hammer and a few walnuts. He puts the walnuts on his head and smashes them with the hammer.
He says to the agent, "Well, what do you think?"
The agent says, "That's your act?"
Schmidlap says, "Yep."
The agent says, "What else have you got in the black bag?"
Schmidlap says, "Aspirin."
A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world."
"It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife?"
The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his cane and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass."
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
Issue of the Times;
Scientists Claim 40% of Population Infected with “Mind Control Parasite”
Recently a team of scientists made a statement claiming that up to 40% of people are infected with brain parasites that have the ability to alter human behavior.